I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
