I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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