she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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