Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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