When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
