didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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