so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
