Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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