I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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