i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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