my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
