i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
