Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
