Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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