i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
