I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
