no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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