we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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