So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize