On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
