dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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