I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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