I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
