I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
