I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Randomize
