i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
