He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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