oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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