Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
