she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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