she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
