Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
