Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
