are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
