I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
