the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize