you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
My vagina just clenched in fear
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
