The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You were trust falling into bushes
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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