Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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