i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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