I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
