I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Randomize
