Sorry, I don't speak sober.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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