I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
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