He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
