Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
