Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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