I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
