I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
She bit a glass in half.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
