i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
