he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
