I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
