Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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