I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Randomize
