dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
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