Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
