And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
