Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
