you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
