An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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