come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
