we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
