flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
