Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
