We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
