im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
My cat gives me a boner
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
