the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
