It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
