Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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