So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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