i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
